Mallu Malayalee English Jokes

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto

11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

Ouch| Stunts| Crazy| Daring| Pictures

TIME 2 SAY OUUUUUUUUCH..???

I really admire the timing in which they were captured....

Mr.Bean| Funny Guy| Jokes| Comedy| Crazy Guy

Mr.Bean



BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

Marriage
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

DEATH OF HIS MOTHER
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

Micheal schumacher| Ferrari| Schumi| Biography

Biography of Schumi



Name: Michael Schumacher
Nickname: Schumi or Schuey
Date of Birth: 3rd January 1969
Nationality: German
Place of Birth: Hürth-Hermülheim, Germany
Height: 1.74m
Weight: 68kg
Residence: Vufflens-le-Château, Switzerland
Status: Married to Corinna Betsch since Tuesday 1st August 1995
Children: Gina-Maria, daughter (DOB 19/01/97) and son Mick (DOB 22/03/99).
Family: Rolf, Father, Elizabeth, Mother and Ralf, Brother (DOB 30/6/75).
Hobby: Soccer, Tennis, Swimming, Skiing.

German ace Michael Schumacher is widely recognised as being the world's best ever racing driver. In 1995 Michael became the (at that time) youngest double Formula 1 World Champion (1994 and 1995 seasons) ever. He is also the 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2004 World Champion. This phenomenal record speaks for itself. In 2003 he beat Juan Manuel Fangio's five championships from the 1950s, by taking his sixth! He has now retired from F1, at the end of the 2006 season.

The 2004 championship was secured by Michael before its conclusion, making it title number 7. He did it by finishing 2nd at Spa in Belgium, in Ferrari's 700th race, to accumulate enough points to seal the deal.

Michael also holds the F1 records for: most career wins (91), most wins in a season, most career pole positions, most points during a season (148 in 2004), most consecutive world championships (5), most consecutive race wins (2004), most pdium gfinsihes (154), most laps leading, most fastest laps (76), plus several others!

Michael is the highest paid racing driver in the world and second highest earning sportsman in the world, earning a reputed $80 million US in 2004 ($40m of which was his salary from Ferrari). His younger brother Ralf became the third highest paid driver in Formula 1 in 1999, when his pay after the 2000 season was raised to $15.5 million US.

Palm Security| PC| Fujitsu| New Technologies

Biometric security is both easy to use and hard to defeat, so its no surprise that finger scanners are popping up on notebooks and as PC peripherals. But once you have swiped them, anyone can use the computer.

Fujitsu has taken the biometric protection concept one step further making it continuous. Its done so with its PalmSecure mouse, which has an infrared scanner that reads the pattern of the veins in your palm as you hold the mouse, all without adding more desktop clutter or replacing your biometric-less laptop.

Fujitsu has had its PalmSecure technology available for a while, but only in a version that required an authentication server. That tended to limit its users to enterprises such as hospitals, where users might work on multiple PCs during the day.

PalmSecure has not yet begun selling the PC login kit, but keep in mind that the PalmSecure works only on Windows XP and Vista. If you want to have managed multi-user authentication across an enterprise’s PCs, you’ll need the authentication server edition.

How Does It Work?

The Palm is first illuminated by an infrared light. The veins just beneath the skin of the palm then emits a black reflection, giving a picture of the veins in the palm.
Using a proprietary Fujitsu algorithm, the pattern is then extracted from this picture and is checked against patterns stored in the system. If there is a match, the person’s identity is confirmed.

Force India| Kingfisher| Vijay Mallya| Fisichella

Fisichella to drive for Force India

Italian racer Giancarlo Fisichella will drive for Force India, the Formula One team established in October, 2007 through a consortium headed by Dr Vijay Mallya and Michael Mol .

It has been learnt that Fisichella's name was finalised for the second seat primarily because of the experience he brings to the team. The Renault driver will be partnering Adrian Sutil, who drove for Force India's earlier avatar - Spyker. Fisichella had tested for Force India during the winter testing programme in Spain and faced competition from six other contenders. The contenders list included heavyweight candidate Ralf Schumacher, who later ruled himself out.

A1| Grand Prix| Narain Karthikeyan| India

First win for A1 Team India
Sunday, December 16, 2007


A1 Team India’s Narain Karthikeyan paid tribute to his superb pit crew taking his and the team’s first-ever A1GP race win in an incident-packed Feature race at Zhuhai International Circuit in China.

Karthikeyan was joined on the podium by New Zealand’s Jonny Reid, who started from tenth on the grid, and South Africa’s Adrian Zaugg, who finished third.



The 30-year-old Indian driver, who started from third on the grid, took the lead from New Zealand during the second pit stop window on lap 29. Despite a huge amount of pressure and some excellent racing from Reid, Karthikeyan held off the New Zealander’s Black Beauty racecar and crossed the line to score India’s first A1GP success.

After the race, a delighted Karthikeyan said: ‘The team has been working really hard at pit stop practices and they’ve done a really good job this weekend. Both the pit stops were excellent. Unfortunately I got stuck behind Pakistan on the out lap of my second stop, so I couldn’t push, but I came out just ahead of Jonny. There was a lot of pressure towards the end but then his tyres went off as well as mine and then we were equal - after that I just got the job done.’