Husband Wife Jokes

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!


Angry wife to her husband on Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I 'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop.

A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don't discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive.

An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"

The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Wife treats husband
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him

Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local

Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again?

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."

Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday.

Cool message by a wife
Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement".

Sweet demand by kid
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.

Lion bounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

Throwing knives on wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives on wife's picture. All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING U"
I will think about it

When a married man says "I'll think about it",

What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

Habit of talking in sleep
A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he's awake.

Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

Head & Neck of the family
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

I look at your picture and the problem disappears
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Wife: honey what r u looking 4?
Husband: nothing
Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?
Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Every time!

WIFE says: No darling, it means:
With Idiot For Ever

Wife wish 2 be a newspaper
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in ur hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that u were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day.

Can I make a call to my wife?
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband, wife & spare tyre
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further

Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

Similarity between chewing gum & begum
Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...

WIFE IS DANGEROUS
LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?

Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn't believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn't see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

Why women starts with W
You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage to tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!

Recently fired stock trader
A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."

Message of the year
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Husband to a newly wed wife
Husband to a newly wed wife: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Wife: Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.

Why did u shoot ur wife?
Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!

I really liked this one.....

Do we really want that..??
Vandana chhatpar

Postpone what I WANT to do for what I HAVE to do !

Here is some good thought. Simply relax and read... May be applicable for us up to some extent, if not completely....

Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more. Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.

So, what's wrong and where? When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don't have. You have a Santro, but you want City You have a City, but you want Skoda. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money .I mean, these examples are endless. The point is, does it actually worth? Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?

After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don't. May be I didn't need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player. When I see my father back at home. He has a simple BPL color TV, he doesn't need 32 Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says Its a phone, I need this just for calls. And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn't want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. Its a very fine line between these two, but after looking my fathers life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32 plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.

It is very simple- Our ancestors treated Necessities as Luxuries, we are looking at Luxuries as Necessities. This is making our life miserable...

Trip to Wayanad

My In-laws wanted to make a trip to Wayanad and wanted me and my wife also to join them. Saying a yes to that, made them go ahead in booking the tickets prior to the journey which was to be on 24th June 2010. All set and packed we were off to Calicut. Started on 24th night and reached at about 7.40 am in Kozhikode (Calicut) on 25th Morning. We had booked our package with Olives Homestay who had sent us the cab to pick us up from the station.

The journey from Calicut to Wayanad was beautiful. As we were driving through the ghat section, we could feel the mist and the cool breeze which was so pleasent that was welcoming us. There were showers of rain every 5 mins and then a pinch of sunlight after that which made the journey more relaxing and free from tiredness. I guess we opted for the best time to visit wayanad.

On reaching the place where we had booked (Olives Homestay), Mr.Biju who is in-charge of the homestay along with his family had immediately come out to welcome us. All settled we were served with a good cup of tea which was exactly what I wanted for that climate. Had few chit chats and then got dressed up to head towards Soochipara waterfalls which is one of the major tourist spots out there. We managed to reach there at around 4 p.m and started walking towards the falls. As we were heading towards it was getting darker and we were also running out of time. Managed to get to a level where we could view the falls and take some good pics. Walked back and purchased few home accessories which were cheap out there and started to our room again as we were a little tired. Back to room, me and my father-in-law settled up with few rounds of whisky & vodka along with some general chatting. The dinner was served, which had the Malabar fish being prepared along with some fish fry's, and few good kerala dishes. Had a great dinner and headed straight to our beds.

26th June was unfortunately a bandh in Kerala which had restricted us from moving out of our place. Mr.Biju & Family had provided us with an excellent breakfast that made us get settled up in the room watching the FIFA worldcup. At around 3 p.m we started to Banasura Sagar dam which was also a tourist spot and did a 10 km small safari ride where we were able to see few spotted deers and one Elephant which was quiet far from us. The climate and the greenery was awesome. I should say even though it was 7 p.m in the evening I could see brightness in the place. I was most of the time enjoying & gazing at the clouds near the hills which were moving pretty fast and pouring down few showers then and there. It was getting darker only after about 8 p.m where you could hear the frogs croaking and some unusual sounds of these forest insects around. We were served dinner with some new varieties of kerala dishes this time. Spent the night by chatting with my in-laws and watching the FIFA world cup and off to bed by 11.30 p.m.

27th June was the day we had to leave. Had a sumptuous breakfast and was given a warm send off by Mr.Biju & Family. We started at around 11 am and headed towards Pookot lake which was famous for boating. Went around the place and spent close to about an hour and asked the driver to drive down to calicut straight. There was a small issue also as we were still waiting for our return tickets to get confirmed. With the help of few known pals working in the railways we managed to get the m confirmed at around 3 p.m the same day. As we had little time more to be spent as our train was only at about 5.30 pm we drove to the beach in calicut popularly called as Kappad beach. Enjoyed some time out there and had lunch in the nearby restaurant. The cab dropped us at around 5 in the station and with ease we boarded the train and reached up Chennai at around 5.20 am. Good trip and worth making another one too.

I would personally recommend all to make a trip once to Wayanad. It is one place which is worth going for your vacation. I can also assure you that the place where I had stayed "Olives Homestay" managed by Mr.Biju provides an excellent hospitality and service which makes you have a good relaxed vacation.

For more pics Arvind Krishnamurthy Wayanad pics

.

Weekend Drive to Pondy

Saturday, the 5th of June 2010 happened to be a very usual day. The day started by reading the newspaper and having a good cup of tea followed by washing clothes which took half the day and then settling down for lunch. Had a good lunch and dozed of for few hours. Got up at 4.30 p.m and was thinking what to do and all of a sudden my wife sprang up and said let's drive down to pondy. At first I hesitated cos I am used to driving by bike and have ridden many times to pondicherry and had a doubt whether my wife would be comfortable to sit back and come. The answer all I got was "C'mon lets go !! Dont worry it's fine".

Packed a set of clothes, withdrew some money, booked the room and fed my bike (Unicorn) with enough fuel and started our ride to pondy by 5.30 pm. I was on one side excited cos it has been close to about a year I took my bike for a long ride and it too required a good long drive. The bike was performing extremely well on the highways and kept a steady speed of 80 - 95 kmph which made us reach pondicherry by 9 p.m with 3 halts in-between. I entered the city straight, stopped at the Mr.Brandy shop and managed to pick up few beers along with some breezers and checked in to the room.

The room had a pleasant aroma which welcomed us. Made my wife get settled down and went out to pick up few good side eats and asked her to order the main course. All done, had a good refreshing bath and got settled to chill out. Rounded up and off to bed at 1.30 am which made us wake up at around 8.00 am on Sunday morning. Got dressed, had a good breakfast, visited the Ashram, the Ganesh temple and the beach. We had to return back to chennai quiet early to check out a new apartment which ultimately dint work out.

Started from pondy at 11.00 am. Driving back there were few heavy showers from Mamallapuram to Thiruvanmiyur. Managed to stop for about few minutes and then started riding as the climate turned out to be good when we were closing chennai. On the whole the ride turned out to be smooth & safe which was a much awaited one after our marriage and hopefully would be doing the same again to a different place or to pondy. Cheers !!!

Remembering my Dad !!!!

For those who know my dad and for those who do not know, his name was R.Krishnamurthy. A personality known by many during the day's he lived. He was not only a dad but a person who took a lot of responsibilities which came by and made sure his sons keep up his name and carry with them their respect they had attained by him. You may all wonder why all of a sudden did I start writing something about my dad after so many years. It was just that my childhood friend or can be said as my dad's very close friend's daughter had got married and arranged a reception at the Guindy Race Club on 18th April 2010, where I had met a few friends who worked with my Dad and I meeting them after about 15-20 years was a wonderful experience.

People recognise me so quickly compared to my bro as I have the exact features of my dad. So it doesnt take much of a time for me to introduce myself to my dad's friends. So that was a day where I remembered few things when my dad used to bring me during my childhood days to the club to meet his friends and I used to play. So after so many years me getting a chance to go back to those places and meeting people who were close to us had a different feeling completely. Maybe if my dad was alive now, I guess our life would have been different but I do not repent for anything as he has already done enough when he lived to make us get the respect and friends we are supposed to have.

It made me and my bro feel so happy when people said about my mom and dad as to how they were and how they carried themselves which had inspired a lot to them. It turned out to be a awesome day where our wifes (mine & bro's) had a chance to know about my dad as they were not able to meet him but atleast know what he had done during his period. He was the branch manager for Eenadu Newstime & Etv, President of the Advertising Club, Board of Directors Margadasi, Committee member of Parsn Complex, Madras Gymkhanna Club member & President of Padma Sheshadri Bala Bhavan School parents teacher's committee.

There are so many things I owe my Dad, but guess as of now I can only carry the respect he had attained and make him proud forever. Miss you Dad... (1956-1996). Proud to be your Son !!!!

Pongal Celebrations "2010"

Hi Folks "Happy New Year" !!!!!

Been a long time since I had posted some stuff in my blog. Got married recently, been busy with family as well as work for the past few months. Needed a mindset to get on to the blogging track again and here I am posting my first news for the year 2010.

Jan 13th 2010 - Pongal Celebrations

Been quite a lazy day for me. Started as usual to office and found the office boys getting themselves busy for the day by cleaning and decorating the reception area in our office were the decorations for Pongal made usually. The pots filled up with cotton was the first thing I could see when entering office. Got an idea, Ok the celebrations for Pongal was on.

The day at office started as usual by checking up few mails and then responding to those which normally eats up half of my day. This year I was greeted in a special way as it is my first Pongal after marriage which is formally called in Tamil as "Thala Pongal". The day went on smooth and I could see the ladies in our office lining up and gearing up themselves to start the decorations at the reception area. The ladies this year decided to use the normal color powders to prepare the Kolam and decorate the border with flowers. To tell you guys the truth, even though it looked simple it was fantastic. The sugarcane's were placed at the corners to add more beauty to the decorations. The day ended by distributing some sweets and wishing the colleagues "Happy Pongal".

Schumi is back to F1 ...

2009 F1 season can never expect anything better than this. One of the most successful and favourites "Michael Schumacher", Seven times world champion who retired from Formula One at the end of 2006 is all set to replace injured driver Felipe Massa at Ferrari.

The news was buzzing on as to who would be replacing Massa who unfortunately fractured his skull in the Hungarian Grand Prix last weekend. I had the mildest idea where Ferrari would decide in getting schumi back on to the track. Suprised and excited to hear the news today which came confirming that the pro is taking the drivers seat along with Kimi in the next upcoming races until Massa is fit to drive.

So I guess Hamilton and Vettel would be for sure praticing hard to push their engines ahead of the Ferrari in order to find their names ticking on the Drivers Points table.

All the best guys, F1 is getting hotter and hotter. The Game has just Begun !!!!!